— Hunter S. Thompson
Today I read Steven Pressfield’s ‘The War of Art: Breaking through the Blocks and Win your Inner Creative Battles.' and found this quote:
"Are you paralysed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what to do… Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates the strength of Resistance. Therefore, the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that the enterprise is important to us and the growth of our soul… If it meant nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance."
Reading this articulated more concisely what I had realised and written about three years ago. Reading this book today, awakened forgotten wisdom and that I need to be more aware of the ‘Resistance’ side of things, as this appears to be my weakness. It was a nice reminder.
Here is what I wrote three years prior to reading this book:
Desire and Fear - Hand in Hand.
My desires, I have come to realise, are also my fears. What a bitch.
It seems to me, in order to get what you want you have to be confronted by, surrender and let go of all fears. This problem is maximised by the additional confrontation, surrendering and letting go of ideals necessary to overcome these fears in order to experience your desires unhindered. This a battle of Self. One declared at any stage of potential progression.
When confronted I tend to shut my eyes, block my ears and sing ‘la la la la la’. I fight. I fight really damn hard. My unhealthy friendship with denial grants me blissful ignorance, a pseudo strength. I just seem to keep resisting until the confrontation is so great that I am literally forced to my knees and made to surrender to the inevitable. Or, if I have enough reason or feeling to run on impulse, I might be fortunate to bypass this kind of pressure all together. I’m a girl who needs a bone, something to work with so my intuition can kick in, rather than leaving my mind weaving some elaborate plan, which is ultimately doomed to fail as it’s not designed for the moment I might find myself in. Back in the day alcohol and drugs would be the answer to taking down the inhibitions because everything felt greeeaat! However, most of the time these views were too exaggerated or simply not taken seriously. This then could be used as an excuse to back track but the foot prints of this venture would remain. Today, I’m sober. In the absence of courage I must rely on adrenaline-fueled impulse, strong support and being in the moment to overcome these fears. A period of silence is also required so that I have time to be honest with myself, to dismiss my denial and to simply grow a pair to speak my truths.
The fear is terrifying. It summons doubt and slows me down. As ugly an emotion it is, it really is an ingenious indicator to the strength of your desire. So here is my gage: When petrified and I’m still stepping closer to the desire, its going to be well worth it. If I’m standing still terrified, then there is a question mark. This means a time of silence or heightened awareness is needed. If I’m running away and hiding, then I am simply not ready.